Airbnb Rant

Ah, Airbnb. Where rich twits in teepees rub elbows with grubby landlords in an effort to squeeze the housing market.

We’re already short by about 4 million homes in this country, and some genius thought it’d be a good idea to turn our precious housing stock into holiday lets. Brilliant, just brilliant.

So, let’s break this down. Who in their right mind wants to go on holiday to stay in a terraced flat? I mean, really? Picture it: you’re on holiday, and instead of a quaint little cottage in the Dales or a seaside retreat, you end up in a two-up-two-down in the middle of Leeds. The only people I can imagine enjoying that are either drug dealers or those peculiar types who get their kicks from pretending to live someone else's life. It's reminiscent of "Rich House, Poor House," where the hedge fund manager and his family are handed a tube of Pringles for the week and told to watch analogue telly.

It’s not just theoretical nonsense, either. I see it all the time. Terraced houses spruced up to look all posh and inviting on the Airbnb site, but seriously, who are they for? Wouldn’t you rather just stay in a hotel? At least there you don’t have to worry about being sneaky in someone else's living room or running a Hoover around before you leave. Hotels have perks, you see. Room service, clean sheets, and the delightful absence of a passive-aggressive host peering over your shoulder.

In York, there’s been a lot of chatter about banning Airbnbs or these so-called "holiday rentals." But, as usual, it’s all talk and no action. I haven’t seen a single change. These short-term lets are a blight on the economy, driving up prices and pushing out locals who just want a place to live. What’s next? Will we start converting homes into accommodations for alpacas? Or maybe the donkey sanctuary will buy up your street?

And let’s not even get started on who’ll own our houses in the end. Airbnb, Blackrock, and the banks seem to have a master plan to scoop up every last property. What’ll be left for us ordinary folk? The answer, my friends, is not a lot.

So, next time you’re lounging in a teepee at some smoothie-infested resort you found on Airbnb, give it a thought. Is this really the best use of our precious housing? Or are we all just part of a hipster-driven scheme that leaves us with nothing but empty pockets and full inboxes of rental requests?

Let me know how it goes. I’ll be in a hotel, sipping a proper drink, and not giving a damn about whether I have to clean up before I leave.